Opening Day Jitters
I'm a few hours away from the opening of the play, and all I can think about is what people might think of the show. My biggest fear is that people won't be able to accept the contrast between the clownish elements and the dramatic elements. From the little that I've learned about Chinese opera, there is room for both broad comic elements and heart-rending tragedy, because Chinese theatre tries to emulate all the details of life rather than select the high points (as in western drama).
If critics want to take away the presentational elements then all I have left is a conventional musical theatre piece that is for North American audiences only. I wanted to capture east and west in this play, and I'd be sad if no one wanted the Peking Opera elements and only wanted the westernized Chinese elements. I guess it's the equivalent of liking Chinese food, but not liking the Chinese waiters.
Sometimes, I feel like no matter how many years I work as a professional writer, I'll always feel like I'm the outsider looking for acceptance. Am I too Chinese? Am I not Chinese enough? Sigh. It's a continual struggle even after 17 years.
On the plus side, I at least tried to do something that was beyond my normal pattern, and even if no one appreciates the results, I can still be proud of trying to fuse Chinese and western theatrical styles to tell a Canadian and a Chinese story. I can also be proud that the cast embraced this script and worked their butts off to bring the story to life. I'm proud of every single performer. Sun Wukong and Laosan tear my heart apart with their story. Phoenix is elegant and powerful. Horne and the Empress capture the essence of greed and power. Even the chorus members shine. These actors gave their all, and I'm humbled that they would do this for my script.
Okay, now to curl into the fetal position and rock myself to a state of feigned calm so that I can deal with the opening crowd.